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COPING WITH THE AFTERMATH OF A FRAUD:
12
Steps to getting your life back on track
by Annie McGuire, fraud victim,
Fraud Victim Advocate, Founder -
Fraud Aid, Inc.
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The Toughest: STOP BLAMING YOURSELF AND PUT THE
BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS - ON THE PERSON WHO CONNED YOU!
Focus your anger toward of the ones who used you unmercifully
with no concern for the consequences to you, no guilt, no pity.
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Don't beat yourself
up. Say this out loud as many times a day
and for as many days as it takes to stop feeling
miserable: "Okay, I made a mistake. Now,
let's move on." Yes, this really does work.
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Do not allow yourself
to be casually judged. If anyone tries to
make you feel guilty or foolish, as if you don't feel
bad enough, either walk away or tell them flat out that
they are in no position to judge you.
If the person who
has been assigned to your case tries to make you feel
stupid, ask to speak with someone else or ask to speak
to a supervisor.
Remember this:
fraudsters hit
everyone including heads of state, corporate giants,
pension fund trustees, finance managers, corporate
attorneys, investment companies, all to the tune of
thousands and millions of dollars. They even swindle
cops.
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Give yourself time to
grieve. It's your right - you have been
robbed of more than money or possessions, you have been
robbed of your self-confidence and your self-esteem.
That kind of loss is not to be taken lightly.
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YOU ARE A VICTIM.
The swindlers who involved you in their schemes are
professionals. It is their life's work and they study
their craft day and night.
Their sole purpose is to
use you for financial gain, and they are
very, very good at it. They are intelligent and as
well-educated in their line of work as any doctor or
lawyer is in his or her respective profession. They are
often under-estimated and like it that way because it
makes their job easier.
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Get on with your life!
No easy thing, but make some headway each day. Give
yourself a goal and head for it ruthlessly.
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Find someone to talk
to who has no ax to grind.
When you do open up, be completely honest. If you
continue to hide this or that, it will all haunt you.
If you did something stupid, admit it. Go through all
the "if only's" and "shoulda' coulda's"
IT'S OKAY!
Eventually your inner system will get tired of hearing about it
and will force you to get on with things.
If you absolutely cannot stop swimming in a
whirlpool, use the services of a counselor to help you move on.
That's what they are there for.
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There is no such thing
as a little con and fraud is not a victimless crime.
All swindles hurt, some more than others. It
is not for anyone else to judge how much a scam has
hurt you.
Do not allow yourself to be belittled. You
were the one on the front lines and absolutely no one
can judge how they would have reacted under the same
conditions.
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Don't rack your
brain trying to figure out why your "friend" did this to
you - he or she did it because that's
what swindlers do. Their minds do not operate in the
same way yours and mine do.
You can't peek in there and
try to make sense of their behavior because you are
trying to analyze the behavior of a criminal mind using
a sane, moral mind as a base platform. You might as
well try to psych out a Martian.
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Never live in the
Past. Flashbacks happen. Nothing you can do
about it. But the more time you spend re-living the
events of the scam, the more you will find yourself
stuck there. This doesn't do you any good at all. As a
matter of fact, it prevents you from realizing what life
is offering you NOW. Live in the Present, do not
anticipate the Future. Plan for it, yes. But that's
all. The Present is happening now, deal with it.
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Justice takes time.
Understand that a case file can remain open for years
and years before the criminal is caught or,
the case may finally end up in the dead case file. This
is especially true if there is a lack of information or
if the grounds for indictment are very weak.
If you
depend on the authorities to put an end to the
criminal's career before you feel vindicated, you may
very well end up with an emotional door hanging open,
banging in the wind. Forget it. Once you have given
all the information you have to the authorities, that's
your vindication, that's your closure.. It has to be.
If the crook is caught, that's just icing on the cake.
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Learn to laugh again,
with yourself but not at yourself!
The sooner you do this, the sooner you will heal.
Avoid
rehashing the stupid mistakes to make them laughable.
If you do, you will reinforce the shame, the humiliation
you are feeling. You will only prolong the healing
period.
People always listen to their own voices before
they listen to the voices of others. Tell yourself
often enough that you are a stupid dolt and you will
sincerely believe it no matter what anyone says to the
contrary. There is no need to prolong your misery beyond
what is reasonable.
The steps aren't easy;
I ought to know.
It took me years to get over having been the target of a
swindle, and it shouldn't have. I still think nasty words
when I remember the impact my belief in the swindlers had on
other innocent people who trusted my word enough to invest
their hard-earned dollars, but now it's in the proper
perspective. Life does go on.
Decide now: where are you going from here? What
is the first thing you have to do to get there? What are
you waiting for?
DO IT!
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